What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Last Updated: 03.07.2025 01:32

What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

My mum and dad in the seventies!

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The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

How do we greet in German, French, Spanish, and Italian?

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

Ive learnt so much.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

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Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

But ive been too sick for many years..

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Would this be the day?

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

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I think the readers, may guess!

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

She found it foreign!.

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She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

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One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

So whats the point in blame.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

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I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

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Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

I don,t even have a pension.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

Is BPD real or just an excuse?

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

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He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

He resisted the act ,that day.

How would you feel about your husband allowing a mutual friend to see you naked and exposed to show off your pussy?

Who then, do I blame.?

She loved him until the end.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

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So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

I will be 64.

My life is so biszare .

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I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

(And it was in our own minds.)

But, we were locked up after school.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

She wouldn,t have been !

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

I know ,a lot about trauma.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

As i do to all so called friends.?

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

Why did i forgive my father ?

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

And i lived it daily.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

So, i spoilt her more .

She was in good health!

I was scared of men, in general

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

My family never makes their pension either.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

Im dying but, im not bitter.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

We were not on the streets..

All the time i was locked up.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

This is how, and why children get BPD.

I never cut or harmed myself..

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

Was to survive, this bastard.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

I was seconnd youngest,

The only rule us 5 kids had .

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

She married twice! .

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

I did it because my mum asked me too!

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

I was very sick at this time too.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

I could never make a relationship work though!

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

And who doesn’t know suffering?

Put me off passion for life!!

One cannot live in the past .

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

I said to her

What did i know ?

Especially a lifetime of it.

Comes on , in middle age.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

We all went to grammer schools

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

I was 9 years of age.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

This is soul school!.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

I couldn’t, believe it.

I write beautiful poetry .

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

But it wasn’t much.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

When she asked me how she looked .

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

He knew the spot.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

I have no regrets .

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

It was going to be , some day.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

I waited trembling.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

Im still living with it.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.